are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
