I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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