I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
