I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize