Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
