Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
