I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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