i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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