i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
