they need to just BURY HIM!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
