I think I just saw someone hide a body.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
