you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
