He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
