Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
