Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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