So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
