fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
