im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
