Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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