My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
