You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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