the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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