My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We need to get me chipped asap
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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