I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
