get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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