I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just gift wrapped bread.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
