I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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