Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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