Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
