i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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