We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
