Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
