I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
