I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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