I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
