He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
