dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
