but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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