dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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