dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
