im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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