omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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