ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize