just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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