somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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