So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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