And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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