can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
