I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
