Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
