I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
