There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize