THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
