I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
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This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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