Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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