I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
