yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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