Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
