Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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