he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
