I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
